Friday, January 9, 2009

Burning Bridges

I've been pretty bitter lately. This blog isn't going to be an attempt at a humorous anecdote, not today. It's going to be me complaining about how people can be pretty crappy sometimes and not even realize it.

I have about 4 people I still consider really close to me. They're "good friends", most of the time. But lately, they've been dropping the ball a little bit. I'm going to talk about two friends in particular in this blog, which may or may not make things awkward between us. I know these people read my blogs, so I'm certain they'll know it's about them. To protect their identity, however, I'm going to call the first person Ted.

Ted and I are good friends, let me start off by saying that. He and I made plans to hang out last week after he got off work. He called me after work and said he couldn't hang out because he was having stomach problems and couldn't make it. That's completely fine. I get that. I'm not going to sit at home with my boxers in a knot over him not coming over for that reason. What kind of friend would I be?

I gave him a few days, thinking when he felt better, he'd reschedule. I didn't really hear from him for about 3 days, so I decided to give him a call on the 4th night. I was having some drinks with a friend, and decided maybe he'd like to join. Ted told me that he'd pass because he needed to take a break from drinking. Then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute... I thought you were sick?"

I let it go though. I don't doubt Ted was sick, but I figure if he's too sick to do anything at all with me, he's probably too sick to drink with a bunch of friends somewhere else. But hey, whatever.

Then 2 days later, on Monday, we had made plans to go to lunch that afternoon, when all of the sudden something came up and he had to put it off until Friday (not to mention, the restaurant we were going to go to is always closed on Mondays. We forgot.) So I thought it was a goof on both of our parts, and I guess I thought it didn't matter much that something came up with him. I did however ask him to hang out that night, but again, he already had other plans that night.

Ted is taking a few winter classes up at the college, so I figured he'd be busy all week with that and work so I decided not to bother him too much about hanging out. I figured since he's sort of ditched me at least 3 times now, he'd probably get a hold of me when he had some free time. I talked to him last night, and he told me we were still on for lunch today and that he would call me and wake me up in the morning so we could go.

1:47 pm rolls around and I finally wake up (I sleep late when I don't have school. Sue me), and I realized he never called. I sent Ted a text message just saying "...nice." to which he replied "what? and did you still want to go to lunch today?" I brushed it off and told him about a weird dream I had about him (which did happen), and that I was still up for lunch. He definitely forgot we were supposed to go to lunch today. Either that, or he figured if I didn't say something the day of (even though he said he'd wake me up), that it didn't count anymore. Apparently that means I don't want to go anymore.

When we finally got to lunch, he let it slip that he's basically been drinking with other people all week. Frankly, I'm sick of being lied to and forgiving when people think I'm an idiot and don't know what they're doing, especially when they're terrible at covering it up. I don't think he does these things on purpose per say, but I definitely think maybe he should take into consideration about how I'm feeling when he'd rather get drunk somewhere else than hang out with me like he was supposed to at least a week ago.

I'm sick to death of all these mind games you have to play with some people just to hang out with them. It's ridiculous. I shouldn't have to constantly remind a person that we have plans that night, and I certainly shouldn't be the one always asking to do things.

Furthermore, I shouldn't have to sit around and wait for someone's indecisive "maybe" to turn into a yes or the more probable answer, no.

I have another friend, who we'll call Kirra. Kirra, since we've been friends, has developed a rather severe case of OCD. Anything from germs and dust to pet hair bothers her. She won't go in anyone's house who has pets. It makes her skin crawl apparently. Therefore, since I have pets, whenever she's visiting, it's extremely hard for her to hang out with me now, but she seems to try. We managed to hang out twice since she's been back up here for Christmas from her collage a state or two away. She's had 3 weeks up here, and we were only able to hang out twice. Granted, that doubled the amount of time we hung out last time she visited for Thanksgiving, it still seemed like it wasn't enough.

Kirra and I had talked about her OCD and how she hated having it. She missed hanging out with me, and I her. She said she was going to suck it up and have me over as often as possible when she was home. Apparently that was a lie. Of course, she'll probably never admit that it was her OCD. Everyone's favorite excuse to not hang out apparently is their busy and hectic lifestyles. I don't buy it, not for a second. When you have no job, and nothing to do but hang out with your family for 3 weeks, I'd like to believe you'd have at least more than 2 days that you can hang out. I know Kirra said she's try and suck it up. As difficult as it can be though, I'd like to believe that she could have tried a little harder.

When she visited on Thanksgiving, after we hung out that one time, she literally ignored every text message and IM I sent her asking what was up for the next 2 weeks she was visiting, until she went home. That's why this time she felt really bad and wanted to hang out more. I guess I wasn't so lucky.

I probably should take this issue up with these people directly. I really should, but I can't. I'm not sure how they would take it. I just want to them to know that I'm on to them, and I know what they're doing to me and why they're doing it. I don't buy for a second that either one of them is actually too busy to hang out with me. If they really wanted to, they'd make time. I know these people care for me, they're my best friends, and I care for them too. I just think that for some reason or another they think they can pull a fast one on me and get away with it (sometimes over and over), but they really can't. I know them too well and have for too long.

Ted and Kirra, I want you guys to know, that when you read this (and I know you will), is that I forgive you guys, and I want to move on. I just wanted you guys to know that I know, without actually telling you directly. You don't ever have to bring it up, just know that I know, and try to be a better friend once in awhile. Quit with the silly mind games and for god's sake, Kirra, give me a straight answer. If you don't want to do something because you're OCD is acting up, fine, but don't give me a bunch of "maybe"s and expect everything to work itself out. I definitely think that everyone out of high school should be done toying people around, believing they can out smart anyone they want into thinking whatever. People aren't that dumb guys, they just play the game and go along with it to avoid confrontation. I'm done with that. Time to grow up, everyone.

I promise after writing this that I'm going to be even more straight forward when it comes to dealing with people. I won't try to manipulate people into thinking I'm doing one thing so I can hang with someone else, and I'm certainly going to deal with my problems even more directly than I was before. And I know what you readers are thinking, " Wow! That's pretty big talk for someone who just wrote a ridiculously long blog indirectly confronting all his problems!" I have no problem talking to either one of these guys about what's bugging me. I'd like to think I'm close enough to them so that I could tell either of them anything. However, both of these people were doing similar things to me, and I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and just let them both know what was up while protecting their identity from everyone and each other.

No hard feelings, Ted or Kirra. I just want things to change.


Michael said...

Apart from my best friend, you've just described every single one of my friendships with people, the way it always seems to be you who has to initiate interaction. Sure, they don't do things on purpose, sure, they're not doing anything 'wrong', but damn, it's annoying and it would make anybody bitter.

I just want change too. You mentioned high school, and I exclaimed, "Hah!" These sort of things are really prevalent in my life with my classmates. We are supposed to be grown up as the graduating class of 2009, but no, no, it just continues to happen.

You make me suspect this will continue in later life. Ah, well. 'Good friends' can be like that. The way I perceive it, you wrote this quite calmly and tolerantly. I would appreciate that most 'cause there's nothing more annoying than an angry ranting person.


Comic Superzero said...

Yeah I hate reading people's complaints when they're angry. Caps are definitely a good thing, but certainly in moderation and at the beginning of sentences and names. I also hate it when things are bold when they should be italicized. People often don't get the difference between emphasizing and yelling. I'm going off on a tangent here... <---(Did you notice the 3 dots Michael? Hah! I do hate that too.)

Anyway, yeah, it definitely continues. I thought that when I was in high school, that it would eventually come to an end. That most people would mature enough not to do it. Truth be told, I still see a lot of my 14 year old self in me now. It's obnoxious at times, but it's a part of everyone. As the years pass and you get slightly more mature every year,you're at least able to see why you're still a little obnoxious, but you don't necessarily have the capability of doing anything about it.

I'm glad you read and wrote a comment. I appreciate it. Not too many people read obnoxiously long blogs, much less have anything to say about them afterward, so thanks for that.

Wendy said...

Honesty can be hard sometimes, I guess. My sister is one those flaky people and it definitely hurts my feelings. Well said and wavy lines because I should not be awake right now.

Monstressity said...

Phil I know how you feel even though I really don't hang out much with my friends that much anymore because they A) irritate me or B) become to needy or C) different schedules that don't work.

I think it's wonderful that this new day in age we can text each other instead of having to call sometimes it's easier to leave out the emotion and sometimes it's just right to the point that they know how you feel. I do believe though instead of dodging you with excuses they should be man/womanly enough to talk to you about it.

On a side note, I like the new layout.