Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I have a foggy memory.

So, I was in the maternity store recently talking to my good friend Johnna about her halloween party. We were discussing the things she needs for her party, like decorations and stuff. Apparently, she also needs a fog machine. I then said she could use my fog machine, when it hit me... why in the hell do I own a fog machine?

I'll be the first to admit I'm not very good with money. I buy comics every week, a new cell phone at least once every year, and all kinds of X-Men crap on ebay, but I can not for the life of me remember why I bought that fog machine. Usually when I buy frivolous things, I at least have some sort of "legit" reason (or at least I think so) to buy it. I have no clue why I would ever want, much less buy, a fog machine. I vaguely remember playing with it awhile ago. I remember I used to play with a laser pointer with it, because if the room's foggy, you can actually see the laser beam in the room (and it's pretty fucking sweet). I know I didn't buy it just for that, though.

Maybe I was planning on having a Halloween party one year. I've tried that before... that didn't go well. I think that was the year I realized I hate large groups of people. I remember I ended up getting mad at everyone (I get a little irritable in factions of people).

It couldn't have happened on a better night though. Maybe they just thought I was in the murderous Halloween spirit...

Probably not.

Pics of my hiking trip and my favorite recipe!

Not really. But a lot of people like to talk about that kind of stuff on this website it seems. I think my main issue is that I'm jealous. I'm usually pretty ecstatic if I'm going to the mall, much less going on a hiking trip or something awesome. And lets face it. I can't cook for beans. I couldn't even make beans if I tried.

Anyway, so I've been meaning to write a blog about this for awhile, so here it is.

Lately my Mom has been going on walks every single night. When she started doing it, she probably thought, "Wow I'm being so fit and healthy! I think I'm going to ask Philip to go with me! That way we can talk for an hour about his life and I can be his best friend!"

I had other plans... like not going for walks. She kept asking and I kept turning her down. I feel much more productive laying on the couch and watching Judge Judy. HEY! Don't judge me... that's her job.

So anyway, one day she and I are watching TV in the mid afternoon just, ya know, kind of lounging around. Then when it got really quiet, I was like, "Hey Mom, wanna go for a walk?" and her face lit up like a child getting a lollypop. Then she was like "Really?!" I paused for a moment, then was like, "NOT!"

Now, I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but I assure you, it was hilarious. She's known me for, what, 19 years now? (obviously)

She gets my humor.

Monday, September 29, 2008

The last few days of my life in the form of a bad sitcom... plus or minus a cast list. (minus)

So, I've never written on this website before. Beth convinced me too. It took me awhile to actually get around to doing it. I haven't had much to write about lately, which I usually don't like to admit, since I want to be a writer. But I guess everybody gets writer's block. I have had some pretty shitty things happen lately though. I almost felt like I was on a really bad slapstick sitcom.

The sitcom, first off, would have a series premiere (obviously). It would consist of an old friend coming into town and me hanging out with him and having a good ol' time. There would be assorted laughs in there through various bits of sarcasm and insults... and if that didn't keep people laughing, watching us watch The Office would. Also, we go to a pizza place where one of the cooks accuses us of trying to scam a second pizza out of the store, just because we're teenagers. I flip out and tell the cook that she shouldn't descriminate against teenagers. I would be directly quoted as saying "NO ONE LIKES BEING DESCRIMINATED AGAINST!!!" Then, I'm quoted all over other TV shows and the internet, due to my explosive exclamation. That's the first episode.

The second one would be me trying to hang out with my friend again but I keep getting the overwhelming feeling something's bugging him, cause lets face it, he appears to be ignoring me. So that conflict right there, will bring my second episode into a 2-part cliff hanger. Also in this episode, a friend ditches me for lunch while I make a few new friends (and a new enemy) at the school newspaper club.

In the third episode, I further contemplate why I'm being shunned by my friend. Nothing new develops. Just more ignoring. (I know I said that this conflict would be resolved in 2 half hour episodes, but I've just decided that the whole first season is going to be about that.) In the third episode, I go to the mall and buy some new clothes for school with my MOM. I'm feeling nice so I pay for a haircut for her, since most of the humor in this episode is her relentlessly complaining about how she's growing her hair out and has no idea what she's going to do with it.

The fourth and final episode of the series (because at this point it's so bad it goes on hiatus), I go to class the next day and get a bloody nose in the middle of a lecture and get blood all over my brand new jeans. It's like the movie "Carrie" gone "crotch". It wasn't pretty. Still no word from my friend.

There's tons of cliffhangers, so I'm pretty sure the station will pick up the series again. We've got to know why my friend's ignoring me! And what about that new enemy in newspaper club? Who's the ACTUAL better writer? Only time will tell!

That was seriously the lamest thing I've ever written.