Back Issue #3: I got bit by a spider (part 2) (WITH A PIC!)

Originally posted June 22nd, 2008 on MySpace.

Ok, so it's like day 6 of my spider bite. Still no super powers. All I'm getting is an infection. Seriously though, I'm somewhat afraid that my skin's gonna start rotting off my body. I looked up some spider bite pictures just now and holy shit... there's some pretty fucked up spiders out there. Take this link for instance. While that remains undetermined whether it was a brown recluse bite or not, they suspect it was. I can't even imagine that happening to my stomach. I mean, duh, I didn't get bitten by one of those but my bite still has the potential to get pretty gross. And speaking of really gross...

Here's a picture of my spider bite (Click it for the "full effect"):


It's gross, I know. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to see a doctor about it on Monday or Tuesday. It doesn't appear to be getting any better. When I move it stings like dry skin. It's pretty aweful. And since I'm not an Olympian God and don't have a 6-pack, the spider bite's on the top part of where my mini gut starts. So like, when I move, the spider bite's basically like, "WOW! [inflicts pain, inflicts pain] STOP EATING SUCH SHITTY FAST FOOD! I'M THE PAINFUL REMINDER THAT YOU HAVE A CREASE WHERE A GUT'S FORMING!"

Spider bites = best diet ever. If you're not convinced quite yet that that's true, take a good LONG look at my picture and tell me if you feel like eating after that.

Didn't think so.

Back Issue #2 : I got bit by a spider, and I don't have super powers... what a sham!

Originally posted June 20th, 2008 on MySpace.

At least I think it was a spider. I don't know. Regardless of the species, I still have no super powers. I didn't think it was going to happen, but it would've been cool. Cooler than a giant, red, sore welt on my stomach at least.

I'm not really sure when it happened either, just that it happened on Monday. It REALLY creeps me out to think that it was inside my shirt and just biting me repeatedly. I have like 2 other smaller bumps near it.

So yeah, on another buggy note, I don't know if many of you know this about me, but I'm most definitely extremely afraid of centipedes. Now I know what you're thinking... "Really Phil? Those stupid little red things you see under rocks?" And yeah. Understandable. Allow me to explain. When I was little and lived in Hawaii, I had one crawl across my arm in my bed. And for those of you who don't know, centipedes look more like this in Hawaii...


Yeah. Fucking terrifying. So back to my story...

So a few days ago, I was in my room minding my own business and changing my shirt. As I pulled it over my head, I saw something on my newly made bed. Yup... you guessed it. A centipede. I freaked out so bad, anyone would've laughed. It was very reminiscent of a woman on Looney Tunes screaming on top of a chair at a mouse. Except it was me, on the floor. Still screaming, though.

Anyway, I tried to think quickly and find something to kill it with, which happened to be my remote. So I grabbed the remote tried smashing it on the top of my bed. This proved rather ineffective at first, considering my comforter was cushioning all of my remote's blows, not to mention these guys live under rocks for Christ's sake, so they can take a beating. Eventually though, I killed it.

Back Issue #1: Nuts In My Mouth

Originally posted May 30th, 2008 on MySpace.

My Mom likes to bake when she has time. Why, just the other day, my Mom decided she'd make some muffins from a recipe she had. It was some sort of banana-nut muffins, that contained of, you guessed it, bananas and nuts. It also had coffee grounds in it, which I thought was kind of weird, but that was the least of my concerns.

Personally, I think nuts ruin any dessert. Peanut butter is a different story all together. But nuts, as a whole that are not "butter-fied" in desserts make me want to gag.

So there I was, cutting this freshly baked, moist, muffin. It had a sweet maple syrup smell to it because of the brown sugar which was mixed with the delicious aroma of bananas. So I took the knife and carefully spread the butter on it. Just as I finished that, I picked up half of the muffin and began to bite down. The richness of the butter (yeah, or margarine) and the deliciousness of the muffin combined in my mouth, producing a wonderful taste. I continued to bite down, when all of the sudden...

*HARD THING*

It was an almond. It totally interrupted the blissful taste of the muffin itself with a bland crunchy thing that is almost like adding negative taste to the muffin. It was appalling. Just when I was starting to enjoy the moistness of the muffin, I'd bite into another one! It was awful.

I was under the impression that my Mom knew that I hate nuts in stuff like that. If I'm bored and kinda hungry, and we have some peanuts around the house, I'll eat them or whatever. That's fine. But I definitely think you shouldn't surprise people with them. Don't be all, "Hey! Here's an awesomely delicious and moist muffin! Enjoy!" then turn away and stick a finger in each ear as if the nuts in the muffin were a bomb about to explode in my face. She didn't do that, but she might as well have. I'd rather my head explode than eat another muffin with nuts in it. I also wish I was allergic to nuts. And I mean like, deathly allergic. So that way my mom would go out of her way NOT to include nuts in stuff. But I only wish I was allergic to the whole nut. I can give up my occasional peanut snack, but I cannot live without Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. ABSOLUTELY CANNOT!

Anyway, to sum all that up. Nuts ruin desserts. They taste gross in muffins, and in brownies, and don't even get me started on nut-riddled ice cream.

Back Issue #0: Prologue

I've decided I'm going to post some of my more memorable blogs from MySpace on here. Some of the older blogs I've written on there were generally well received, some more than others. I have some favorites and some that I know people close to me liked. In anycase, any blog that starts with "Back Issue#___:" is an older blog. I hope you guys enjoy reading them as much as I did writing them.

On a side note, I might edit some of them before I post them onto here.

And another side note, if you want to view my MySpace and my older blogs that I might not post, check it out here: . If you add me to friends, in the message, please include that you found me through my blog. Sometimes I get random creepers that add me to friends and I usually just ignore them. So yeah, thanks ahead of time.